3 Things to Achieve in My 30’s
I spent a lot of the transition years between my teens and twenties with the want and hope to achieve all the things. When I say all the things I mean all the things. I wanted to try every drug, try every alcohol, try every sex position, try every food, travel to every country (and I still do!), date every type of guy, watch different types of tv shows, read different types of books, and immerse myself in different types of groups, activities, events, and more. I wanted to experience life. That’s all I cared about.
I Felt Like 20 Would Be the End of That.
“Oh, my god,” I thought, “I’ll no longer be a teenager, I’ll have to grow up!” But I still wanted to experience this. My life was in shambles. Honestly, I was telling myself just the other day how shitty 19-21 was. This post isn’t to get into that, it’s actually to focus on the positives.
A lot of the things that came to my life pre-business, as I like to think of it, was a culmination of what I learned and the environment that I grew up in. That what all our adolescences are. Especially when we are raised where we are in the same situation. We are a by-product of our own environment.
So it doesn’t surprise me now that I’ve studied psychology and my family dynamics why I ended up the way that I did. I’m not resentful or anything else. Instead, I say, “Okay, let’s fix what has happened.” Because that’s not who I am authentically and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean I love my parents less or I strive for something unattainable. It just means that I’ve figured it out and achieved it, no big deal, at 29.
So as I go into 30, I’m starting to question what I want to focus on in the next decade. I have a business, a podcast, a boyfriend, a dog, and endless possibilities. I have ambition that is focused on trying to achieve greatness. I know, I’m a bit melodramatic. Get used to it.
I’ve been setting goals for myself and with those goals come certain characteristics that I have to cultivate and culminate before I can achieve that. I’m well on my way there, it’s been a constant evolution since I really started doing “the work.” But these are the three things I have not mastered yet and want to master. Here they are.
1. Managing My Mental Health Sans Medication
I am on medication. However, my medication may be different than yours. In the last six months or so I’ve been weaning myself off of medication because I have worked through all the major stressors in my life. So as I get to experience this new subtle type of life I realized how good stillness feels. When I’m not anxious and I’m not jumping from one task to the next I’m able to experience something I didn’t know was possible. I know the importance of managing this now. It’s really about mental health going into 2020 and the new decade.
We all need to focus on our own mental health journey, whatever that means to you. For the longest time, we haven’t prioritized ourselves and I think it’s time we all do that.
I want to be consistent. I want to be super-duper pooper scooper consistent. My client told me that in the last two years she’s only canceled or had to reschedule one meeting. That fact really hit home to me because I feel like I’m rescheduling meetings every other week, if not weekly. That’s not what I want to be known for, I don’t want to be known as “the unreliable virtual assistant coach.” Nobody wants to be known for that. I’m focused on trying to achieve consistency. But it relates to number three.
3. Showing Up
Unfortunately, as a product of my environment, I learned to run away when things got difficult. Now, I’m not saying run away in the physical sense, I mean run away as in the mind. It’s as if I was able to compartmentalize my life. When I was stressed, I went to one type of person, and when I was settled, I went to another. Most of the time I was stressed, so I would run away from conflicts, boyfriends who didn’t treat me well, arguments, feedback, and anything I didn’t want to hear. This didn’t make me a strong person, it actually made me an insanely weak person.
I have a lot of empathy for myself and for other people who have experienced this because it’s anxiety. The inability to show up. You freak out, you say things you don’t mean. You must learn how important it is to take care of yourself and be able to prevent that. That’s what that is, you’re not taking care of yourself and putting yourself first. You don’t say to yourself, “Okay, I will cancel and reschedule this call because I’m feeling XYZ.” However, when it becomes a habit and when it feels better to cancel than to take a call, you need to reassess your situation. Everything we do is habitual, so when we do something over and over and over again, it’s easier to continue to do it over and over and over again. Showing up is something I want to achieve.
Going into my 30’s
Showing up is really important to me. It’s something I’ve been working on. I’ve been working on mastering these three things going into my 30’s. What’s something you wish you would have told yourself going into your 30’s in your life? Or a little bit of advice for someone just looking for some guidance in this crazy online space?